P-chan Discovered!
by CuteMew
Summary: Akane thinks P-chan is an ordinary pig, right? In this fic, that changes. But what happens afterwards? Hee hee read this fic, onegai? 'Twill become a multiparter (iffn i have da time.. gyeh @.@ -CM-chan)


P-chan Discovered ****

P-chan Discovered!

By CuteMew

****

Disclaimer: *in Shampoo voice* You no sue CuteMew, CuteMew have bonbori! *Walks out through a (recently-created) hole in the wall*

****

Summary: Akane's infamous oblivious-ness to the obvious is finally cured! Well, not cured… but let's just say she discovers her pet piggy is a certain someone. Yes, I know it breaks all laws of the universe, but deal with it. Chaos ensuing will be perfectly in line with the Takahashi-Laws-of-Ranma-ness. ^_~

****

A/N: This is my first Ranma fanfic, so tough it out. And be sorta nice on reviews, please? I'm totally new at writing Ranma… I may not have my facts straight, so helpful corrections would be… helpful. *Smacks herself for her lack of vocabulary* Also, I don't read Ranma fanfiction often, so I have no idea whether this is unoriginal or not – any similarity to anything is unintentional and purely coincidental.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

****

Part One: Who's that in the o-furo? YOU HENTAI!

^^^^^^^^

"AHAA! Now I've caught you, you naughty P-chan!" squealed Akane, giggling at the sight of her precious black piglet squirming in her grasp. Then she frowned. "P-chan, you're filthy. You're all covered in mud from being outside in that rain storm. I have to give you a nice warm bath, or you'll catch a cold!" She paused. "P-chan, you don't always behave like this… it's so unlike you to run away from me… so… why…?" Suddenly, Akane blinked. "C-could it be…?"

The small pig, otherwise known as Hibiki Ryoga, squealed. _She… she's… finally figured it out! She now knows I hate hot water, so she'll connect it with Jusenkyo, and then she'll remember about my bandanna, and… and… NOOOOOOOOO! _Of course, that came out as little more than frantic squealing.

But Ryoga had, like always, overestimated Akane's abilities in being able to see what was glaringly visible.

"Could it be… that you don't want to take a bath with me because YOU CAN'T SWIM EITHER? (Apparently our Akane-chan has _conveniently_ forgotten the time when P-chan (and Ranma) had _rescued_ her from drowning in a swimming pool.) Poor P-chan, I know just how you feel. But P-chan, you shouldn't be afraid, I'd never let you drown! I'll hold you close," Akane said, as she squeezed her P-chan into her chest tightly, "And you'll be perfectly safe, taking a nice warm bath with me."

After hearing those fateful words, Ryoga, a.k.a. P-chan, passed out.

^^^^^^^

Screams of horror could be heard for miles around. And they were issuing from the bathroom on the second story of the Tendo home.

And it was not just high-pitched screams that were resounding in the bathroom. There were distinctly male screams as well. Many of the neighbors' imaginations went to work as they wondered what was going on in there. And many of the imagined scenarios were not exactly wholesome… but none of them could have guessed what _really_ happened.

^^^^^^^

Akane, not noticing that P-chan was no longer conscious, had hummed rather tunelessly but cheerfully all the same, and walked into the bathroom with the pig in her arms. As she turned the hot water on to fill the tub, P-chan began to regain consciousness. He blinked groggily. _Wh..where am I…? What happened…?_ Held tightly under Akane's arm, all he could do was turn his small pig head to get a better look at his surroundings. What he saw, as he turned his head, caused his eyes to bulge slightly as he felt all the blood in his body rush up to his head.

As the tub began to fill, Akane had started to undress. As she pulled off her shirt, it happened to be exactly when P-chan started to stir. And suddenly, a thin stream of blood had spouted from P-chan's snout… and the stirring ceased. P-chan was once again unconscious. Of course, Akane noticed none of this as she continued to undress, holding the unmoving P-chan under one arm.

"Ahh, it's done!" Akane said as the tub finished filling. She turned off the taps, and stuck a toe carefully in the steaming water to see if it was too hot. She smiled. "Perfect!" Then she looked down at her little black piggy, noticing for the first time that he was no longer conscious. "Awh, you've fallen asleep, P-chan! You're so cute when you're asleep… But it's time to wash. Maybe a little water will wake you up." Akane reached over across the tub, turned on one of the water faucets again, and… …stuck P-chan under the stream of… (O fateful moment!) …cold water. (Phew.)

With a start, P-chan awoke, sputtering as icy cold water went up his pig-snout. Opening his eyes, he immediately saw that he was hovering over a tub full of steaming water. Then he remembered who was holding him there and shut his eyes tight (so he wouldn't be able to see Akane's unclothed body and subsequently pass out) and started to…

"BWEEEEEEE!!! BWEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!" He squealed as if he was about to be slaughtered with a bloody butcher knife, and started to wave his four tiny legs frantically. _I have to get away! Akane-san will see me! No, no noooooo! Nooooo! I can't let it happen, I can't! She'll _see_ me!_ As he envisioned the horrified look of betrayal and hatred on Akane's face… _NO! I CAN'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT! BECAUSE I WILL NOT LET IT HAPPEN! I can't let her find me out like this… especially not like _this_…I SHALL NOT LET IT END THAT WAY! _ "BWEEEE!"

"Oh, P-chan, you're awake!" Akane smiled, and turned off the water. "Stop squirming, P-chan, you have to – P-chan! Calm down, it's just a little bath!" she scolded. "I already promised you that I wouldn't let you drown, remember? Here…" Holding P-chan in her hands, Akane climbed into the tub, and eased herself down into the warm water. Holding P-chan inches above the water, she spoke to him. "Don't worry, P-chan, I'll hold you against my body so you won't have to be scared. I'm not going to put you underwater, I'm only gonna splash some of this nice hot water onto you to clean you up and warm you up."

"BWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" P-chan waved his legs even faster, in a futile attempt at getting away.

Akane sighed in frustration at the uncooperative pet piggy. "Seriously, P-chan, there's nothing to WORRY about! It's just water. Here – " She removed one of her hands from holding P-chan in order to splash some water onto him.

Ryoga panicked. _I have to get away, somehow, I have to… But what'll I do? I can't… I can't _bite_ her… No, I could never hurt dear Akane-san… WHAT'LL I DO?!?!?!_ As he felt one of Akane's hands starting to release him, he knew just what to do.

Eyes still squeezed shut, he used his tiny hooved front feet to pry open Akane's fingers, and used his back feet to push off Akane's hand. In a sudden movement, with sudden hope, he leapt from Akane's grasp… 

…onto something _soft_, and _round_? P-chan was confused. He was in a bathtub, so shouldn't he have landed on something that felt more like, well, _tile_? So he opened his eyes. "Hee hee," Akane giggled. "P-chan, that tickles. Get off." Apparently, P-chan's blind leap had landed him on Akane's left breast. 

With a terrified "EEEEEEEEEEEE", P-chan fell backwards, blood gushing gracefully from his snout. But before he could lose consciousness…

SPLASH.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!" hollered a mortified Ryoga. He tried to jump out of the bathtub to run away, but slipped and came crashing down into the water… and onto Akane.

"EEEEEEEEEYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!" screamed Akane, suddenly finding a bare Ryoga on top of her.

"…AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!"

"…AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!!!" *slap* *punch* *slap* *slap*

"…YAAAA-itai-AAAAA-itai-AAAAAA-itai-AAAAAAA-itai-AAAAA!!! W-wait, Akane-san, I'm sorry, I can explain, I didn't mean to-" Ryoga tried to apologize through his horrible nightmarish situation, too bewildered to pass out from the sight of Akane not wearing clothes.

"RYOGA-KUN, YOU _PERVERT_! I THOUGHT YOU WERE NICER THAN THIS! YOU DIRTY… GET OUT!" With a forceful kick, Ryoga was booted (butt naked) out the bathroom window into the freezing cold rain. 

"BWWEEEEEEEEE," cried P-chan as he flew over rooftops, tears of sorrow dripping from his eyes.

^^^^^^^

Tendo Akane stormed down the stairs in a bathrobe. No, "stormed" was an understatement. Let me start over.

As Tendo Akane walked down the stairs, dressed in a yellow bathrobe, each footstep she took created not only the sound of an exploding jet-plane, but also left a rather large, smoking hole where her foot had been last. Around her head hovered an angelically glowing halo of black smoke, and her soft brown eyes shined bright red, emitting what appeared to be death rays.

As she stomped into the living room, where the rest of the family was glued to the television set, she noticed Ranma standing, staring at her. "What?" Akane growled at him, gritting her teeth. "What are you looking at me for?"

There was a strange expression on Ranma's face, which Akane couldn't quite read. He was grinning rather strangely, and his eyes showed… pain, almost? 

Through an obviously forced chuckle, Ranma spoke. "So you finally found out, huh. You found out the hard way too..."

"Huh? Found out what?" said Akane blankly.

Ranma stared at her. "That _wasn't_ Ryoga yelling his head off in the bathroom? Sure sounded like him. Never mind then… huh… who the hell was in there then? Dirty lecher… I'm gonna…" muttered Ranma.

"Oh, about Ryoga-kun... Yeah, I sure did find out about _him_… the _pervert_…" muttered Akane darkly. "I still can't believe he would stoop so low… first spying on me, then…" she muttered something under her breath angrily. "And he had seemed so _nice_, before. But appearances can be deceiving, I guess. Hmph."

"Ryoga… pervert… spying on you…?" Ranma blinked. Suddenly his brain made sense of what Akane had just said. He gaped at her. _She's more oblivious than I thought! Ryoga must've transformed right in _front_ of her, and she thought Ryoga was spying on her or whatever! How can she not see something that's right in front of her …_

"That's right," hissed Akane. "Well, one thing's for sure. Ryoga's not gonna live very long after the next time I catch sight – "

"Wait a minute. Ryoga ain't a peeper." Ranma interrupted. "And even if was, he wouldn't peep at such an uncute, _stupid_, macho chick like _you_," he added, as a (not-so-smart) afterthought. "Which proves that he's-"

Akane was seeing red. "Y-you JERK! AND RYOGA IS TOO A PERVERTED PEEPER!" 

"HOW CAN YOU BE SO STUPID? He wasn't there because he was being a _pervert_, didn't you see him _trans_-"

"Oh, wait a minute, _now_ I get it," said Akane, cutting Ranma off. "_You_ don't see him as perverted, since he's not as _big_ a pervert as YOU, you perverted underwear-obsessive-sex-changing freak!"

"Th-that's not what I _meant_!," blurted Ranma. "It-it's just that Ryoga isn't perverted because he wasn't _spying_ on you, he's _P-chan_!!!"

"HE WAS TOO SP- w-wait… _What_ did you say?" Akane said, her eyes growing wide.

"Uh..? What did I say?" Ranma echoed. And only then did Ranma realize what he had just said. Or, rather, he realized that he had just betrayed Ryoga's secret. "I DIDN'T SAY NOTHIN'! I-I MEAN, I S-SAID… um… I SAID RYOGA WAS EATING PEACHES!!! IN THE BATHTUB!!! I… I MEAN, IT WAS AN ACCIDENT, RYOGA AIN'T P-CH- PERVERTED!"

"No, you said Ryoga was P-chan," said Akane, keeping her voice deceivingly sweet, while glaring at Ranma. "Didn't you." _That's gotta be it. If Ryoga was P-chan… It'd explain a lot… He must have fallen in Jusenkyo, and so he changed in the hot bathwater… _"Isn't that what you said, Ranma?"

"…" Ranma looked away.

"RAAANMAAAAA!!!" raged Akane, her wrathful neon blue aura flaring about her wildly. "WHY THE HELL DIDN'T YOU TELL ME BEFORE?!?!? YOU _KNEW_ ABOUT IT, AND YOU DIDN'T _TELL_ ME?" 

"Um," said Ranma.

"I HATE YOU, YOU IDIOT! HATE YOU HATE YOU HATE YOU! YOU THOUGHT IT WAS FUNNY, DIDN'T YOU? YOU THOUGHT THAT MY MAKING RYOGA MY PET PIG UNKNOWINGLY WAS HILARIOUS, DIDN'T YOU? WELL, LET'S SEE HOW FUNNY YOU THINK _THIS_ IS!" she yelled, as she lifted the (very, very heavy) living room table and smashed it down onto Ranma's head. She then stalked off, leaving Ranma twitching under the table, stuck in the heavily splintered wooden floor, as the rest of the family continued to watch TV.

^^^^^^^

More coming, if I'm lucky… I've already written parts of Chapter 2 and Chapter 3 (they're not at all humorous, which is why i chose romance/drama as the genre for this fic), but they're not finished. And I have a story in mind, but not an ending… so this project will take a while. If I actually decide to finish it, that is.

And yeah, I know it sucks. Sorry that you had to read this crap, it's written by a immature lil' 13-year-old who has no ability in the written arts.

And I know the chapter title is a bit off… but whatever…

Comments would help me, so please review. Nothing puts me in a writing mood more than nice reviews! ^_^ Constructive criticism is one thing I love.

-CuteMew


End file.
